When I walk to the bus stop I generally walk through the center of the Frandor parking lot. Mostly because it is the most direct path to the stop.

I have been noticing something strange lately. There seems to be at any given time during the day between 5-10 people just sitting in there cars in the middle of the Frandor parking lot.

They are all dispersed throughout not in a group. The cars are almost never running and they are just sitting there.

I have seen this happen plenty of times before at Skory. We get a few customers a day who will just pull in, stop there cars and just sit in them for about 20 minutes. Usually at Skory they are on the phone at least. In Frandor they just sit. No phone, no ciggarete, just enjoying the view of Frandor from within the confines of there vehicle apparently.

I may try my whole life to figure out why people think the way that they do. The more I try to figure it out and the more I notice of the world around me. I dont think I will ever understand people.

This world is a strange place full of mystery.

Are there any Romans out there that would be interested in buying my friend Drew?

He is ripe for the crux and is going now for a measly 20 silver pieces!

(What?)

On my way to work this morning I came across this old gas station being torn down. It had been closed for years but I had to take a picture before it was gone for good.

I have a memory of this place that sticks out in my mind. Not a fond memory, but an important one.

Years ago I worked for Pizza Hut, a place that has defined so much of my life. About two years into that job I became a manager and got transferred out to Okemos, a move which made me hate a job I had previously loved.

My time in Okemos was interesting to say the least. I was probably not the best manager that store had ever seen but I dont think I was the worst either.

One day I came into work and was greeted by a new general manager, one whose first order of bussiness was to fire me. This was something I neither expexted or was prepared for. It was the worst time in my life to loose my job, I was in a delicate emotional state then due to rampant drug and alcohal abuse.

I decided to walk home that day. At the time I lived near the corner of Lake Lansing and Harrison in East Lansing. It was not a short walk.

By the time I reached the corner of Grand River and Okemos, the location of this particular gas station, I really needed to vent.

I decided to vent on myself, bought me a pack of marlboro reds and smoked almost the entire pack on my way home.

Thinking back on that day is very surreal, and I remember it and think about it every time I pass this place.

This entire month I am taking 100 dollars out of each paycheck to save for a new computer. Being without a proper audio/video editing system is massively depressing. To say my computer is one of the most important things in my life might sound strange to the common person. You have to know me, my life is defined by technology. My computer is my entertainment it provides me with movies, tv, and video games. My computer is my social life. Facebook is the way I keep in contact with everyone I know, the internet is how I make new friends. My computer is my creative outlet. Creating web sites, writing, drawing, making music and movies are all things I rely on my computer for. In summary, my computer is my life. When I am without one, or when I have to depend on one that is ill-eqipped I am lost. Getting myself back up and running is more important than anything right now, it enables Ian to be Ian.

So for two weeks now I have been learning to cope with living without spending money. I already know how to eat around 5-10 dollars worth of food per week. Now I am cutting out spending money on seeing movies or drinking with friends. It really isnt so bad. I feel like the longer I do it the easier it is getting. Before long living on 40 dollars a week will not be a problem at all.

So I am thinking that this new lifestyle of living on the fringe will become more permanent. If I can manage to put aside 100 dollars a week from now on I can get a lot of things done.

The big goal after my computer is back up is to get back on the road with a car of my own. Even putting aside that much money it will still take a while to accomplish. I have to get my license back, which means paying off old tickets and going through whatever fines may have built up over the years. Then there is the act of saving for a car. I am hoping to be driving again by years end.

After that I plan to tackle my debt. The only problem I foresee with this plan will be if I loose my job. Not something I expect anytime soon, I doubt any jobs are secure these days though.

I feel like my personality is changing very rapidly lately. It is almost hard to stay on top of it, I barely know who I am anymore. The changes dont seem to be bad, they actually seem like they are all good.

Last night felt like a turning point, the point where I could feel the demons inside me lashing out trying to get me to do something and still being able to resist. It feels like a big win. If I can do it once I can continue to do it. I can heed me own advice, i dont need anything to alter my mind.

I still need to learn more focus though, it is the greatest challenge in my life. I have never gotten a hang of it. I feel like once I learn how to focus my mind and buckle down on life I will accomplish great things.

Potentially...

I talk a lot :)

Congrats to Sprint and Palm for the release of the Palm Pre, I can't wait to see how that little guy turns out.

Drag me to Hell is one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen. I have seen it twice now in two days, it has blown me away. If you are a Sam Raimi fan, someone who has grown up hooked to The Evil Dead you MUST watch it.

If you are someone who has never seen The Evil Dead trilogy go see it but keep an open mind, this is not your standard horror movie.

I keep getting really ambitious thoughts in my head and desires to be creative but lately when it comes down to it I always get distracted. I need to keep my ADD in check. willpower over my natural instict to lose focus has been a great ally in the past, I need to practice my focus much more.

Off to work, probably gonna be late again unless this bus hurries the fuck up. Damnit.